The Emperor's Third Hat -- BLOOD BOWL Tournament

[bayonet_chris]

Is Velker on discord? Trying to coordinate a game time for week 3.

[Dave Pumphouse]

Is Velker on discord? Trying to coordinate a game time for week 3.

probably best to contact cyrano, the boy has homework after all 

[bayonet_chris]

Week 3 - Velker's Eviceratorsss!  vs Brick Layers

Week 3 had the Brick Layers visiting Indy's Nightmare Stadium and the fearsome Velker's Eviceratorsss! . The Eviceratorsss!  had a reputation for being physical and causing a lot of bodily harm, but Chaos Warrior Eyesweat Dha Ulgy'y wasn't concerned. "They look scary, but they're not too bright. Plus if they're out in the sun too long, their skin dries out." The Brick Layers came into the game hurting from their physical game last week against the dwarves.

Chaos Warrior Slashliver Grosspinch and Beastman Myny Beard both missed the game due to injuries, which allowed rookie journeymen beastmen Spraly Tusk and Wirzy Hide make their NUFFL debut. Both were excited for their first action in the big leagues. "These folks are so much bigger and faster than what I'm used to," said Spraly before the game. "They have nice facilities too. The only way I get to practice is when my pa throws me into the field and the bulls chase me around." The two journeymen would get a tough assignment all game - right in the center of the line against the Eviceratorsss!  feared Kroxigor and Saurus defenders.

The lizards kicked to start the first half and star beastman Fra'gor stepped under the high kick and easily caught it. The Brick Layers exploded off the line and beat down the strong lizard front with an unexpected ferocity, stunning the Kroxigor and a Saurus immediately while Fra'gor ran up the weakside flank. The lizards tried to recover from the sudden onslaught, but the Chaos team pushed hard on the flank and collapsed the defenders, boxing them in and allowing Fra'gor to get deep behind them. In a desperate attempt to cut him off, skink Conquaconquaxz tried to dodge away from the line and close the gap, but tripped and fell, injuring his tiny little shins severely.

The Brick Layers took advantage and continued to march down the field, but Eyesweat Dha Ulgu'y, earlier so convinced of his obvious superiority, knocked himself out in a vicious block that took him and his target, the Saurus Nigel, down to the turf. The Kroxigor was still unsure of what to do, so surprised that he was knocked down and stunned to start the game, so he remained on the ground in a stupor while Fra'gor high stepped into the end zone giving the Brick Layers an early 1-0 lead on Turn 4.

This put the Brick Layers in their usual, comfortable role of playing defense and kicking the ball. Velkers set up with a strong Kroxigor and Saurus heavy front and the four remaining skinks hanging out in the backfield to receive the ball. The Brick Layers kicked it into the middle of the field and the lizards started their assault on the poor journeymen beastmen playing their first professional Blood Bowl game. Their families came all the way from the outer provinces to watch their boys get beaten to a pulp by oversized iguanas. The Saurus did their part by knocking the line back and down, but the three skinks in the backfield got into an argument about who was supposed to pick up the ball and ended up fumbling it.

The Brick Layers started to penetrate the backfield to try and pick up the ball when Fra'gor burst through and attempted to reach it, but overextended and broke his leg severely. It looked serious and would possibly cost the star player a game or two to recover, but coach Bayonet_Chris decided to risk his apothecary early to keep him on the field. The medic did his job and was able to not only get him back on his feet, but he joined the reserves and was able to continue playing.

Steve, a skink, was finally able to get his tiny hands on the ball and he scampered up the middle behind a strong Saurus line. As the lizards were retaliating, the saurus Nigel tried to block Kardos Fangepile. He repeatedly headbutted Kardos's knee and managed to give himself a serious concussion in the process. The box protecting Steve was not complete, so beastman Gran-gors was able to slip into the back and deliver a devastating hit on the diminutive skink, stunning him and knocking the ball free. Journeyman Wirzy Hide saw his chance to impress the coach and went to scoop up the loose ball, but couldn't get his hands on it in the scrum. Alexander also tried to get his hands on the ball in the mass of bodies, but failed to pick it up.

Kardos Fangepile finally got his hands on the elusive ball and attempted to throw it down field, over a mass of lizards and chaos warriors, but the pass fell to the ground in the Evicerator backfield. Alexander tried to slip back to retrieve it, but couldn't dodge away from the pack. The action was fast and furious to end the half, with the saurus Benjamin knocking himself out going head to head with beastman Ulner Snout.

At halftime, Bejamin recovered and was able to rejoin the Eviceratorsss!  while Eyesweat Dha Ulgy'y continued to sit in the reserves, recovering, leaving the Brick Layers short handed. The Eviceratorsss! received int the second half, but Bayonet_Chris's gameplan paid off with a good morale boost (extra reroll). After the kick landed, journeyman Spraly Tusk was immediately knocked out by Steve. A vicious blow to the head will do that. The skinks swarmed the ball on the left flank, with Maximus picking it up behind his teammates.

The Brick Layers slid into the backfield to attack. Ulner Snout blitzed and stunned Maximus, knocking the ball loose in the backfield. Benjamin was able to get back and help out, knocking Ulner off the ball and allowing Jeffrey to pick it up and scamper out of danger. Beastman Mashg Paw had a chance to knock Jeffrey down, but the agile skink managed to avoid the takedown and stay on his feet. For the first time in the game, the Eviceratorrrs! had an extended possession and were able to move the ball. Jeffrey slid out to the far right flank, using his superior speed to put some distance between him and the chaos team. The rest of the lizards tried to occupy and hold to give him space.

Several beastmen fell back into coverage while Chaos Warrior Lektor Liverrip made a critical block to free up Gran-gors for a blitz on the ball carrier. Gran-gors made a devastating hit on Jeffrey along the side lines, knocking him out and sending the ball bouncing off the pitch. In a stroke of home field advantage, however, the crowd tossed the ball far down the field towards the Evieratorrrs! goal line, close to a touch down if they could get there in time. Beastmen raced back to try and cut off the angle and make the race as difficult as possible. While this was going on Fra'gors took a heavy shot at Newt of Roith, fracturing the skink's skull in the process.

At this point, Maximus and Alexander were the only skinks on the field. Alexander was the only one close enough, so he sprinted downfield and picked up the ball. He was not close enough to the end zone to be able to jump in,  however, and the Brick Layers would make him pay. Point-fagors laid a huge hit on the skink, knocking him straight down into the dirt, but his attempt to pick up the ball came up short. Alexander sprung him and went into the endzone while Maximus made a desperate attempt to get the ball. Maximus attempted to dodge through the line but could not elude the outstretched leg of  Lektor Liverrip. The skink injured himself in the incident and was unable to return to the game.

Alone in the end zone, without a friend in sight, Alexander was in a tight spot. Point-Fagors, still angry about failing to pick up the ball, drop-kicked the little skink out of the end zone and into the crowd. The rowdy crowd proceeded to knock the skink out, which put the Eviceratorrrs! in the unenviable position of having no skinks left on the pitch. Grantigor scooped up the ball and headed up field, completing a quick pass to a waiting Mashg Paw, who caught the ball and ran down the sidelines. The Eviceratorrrs! made an attempt to stop him, but Mashg Paw strode into the endzone for a commanding 2-0 lead on turn 14.

A turn 15 kickoff by the Brick Layers had both sides with depleted reserves. The Eviceratorrrs! were able to line up 7 to end the game - 4 sauruses, a kroxigor, and 2 skinks. The Brick Layers were able to line up 10 - 2 chaos warriors and 8 beastmen. To make matters worse, the Kroxigor stunned himself blocking one of the journeymen beastmen immediately after the kick, leaving the ball exposed on the sidelines. Despite being the most agile beastman on the team, Fra'gor could not secure the ball. Alexander scampered into the area and was able to pick up the ball and escape, but his attempted pass was less successful. The saurus was so surprised to see a pass coming his way he ducked and let it hit the ground, causing yet another turnover.

The Brick Layers finished up the last turn with some hits and an attempt to throw the ball downfield, which ended in an incomplete pass and the final whistle.

Stats

Team	Velker's Eviceratorrrs!	Brick Layers
Touchdowns	0	2 (Fra'gor, Mashg Paw)
Armor Breaks	3	11 (2 injuries - Kardos Fangepile, Fra'gors)
MVP	Benjamin (Saurus)	Grantigor (Beastman)

Injury Report

Brick Layers

• Fra'gor - fractured leg/miss next game while going for it (T5) - apothecary returned to reserves

Velker's Evicerators

• Conquaconquaxz - badly hurt on a failed dodge (T2)
• Nigel - badly hurt by Kardos Fangepile (T6)
• Newt of Roith - fractured skull by Fra'gors (T11) - apothecary to reserves
• Maximus - badly hurt on a failed dodge (T13)

Next Up

• Brick Layers (2-0-1) vs Prussian Punishers (0-1-1)
• Velker’s Eviceratorsss! (1-2-0) vs Steel City Madmen (1-1-1)

[Cyrano]

Only one game left this round.

Have at it!!!

[Dave Pumphouse]

The last game of week three saw the Prussian Punishers head to the Pond to face off against The Norfolk Enchanters to a packed crowd eager to see how these two teams would match up. The Enchanters hosting the game without an ogre as their centre player was out this week due to a smashed patella. But the rest of the lineman proved well adept at holding the line whilst the punishers were struck down with the bonehead curse that saw Vulgott Knee-Capper stumble around scratching his own ass for much of the match!

In the opening drive which the home team elected to kick saw the enchanters struggling to work out a suitable defensive line-up that didn’t give them time enough to have a balanced formation leaving Ben Cumberland and Joshua Buckinghamshire fighting over which spot to take in the backfield and who was in fact going to kick! But after some squabbling and reorganising the ball was up and landed straight in the endzone waiting to be picked up as the punishers elected to put 3 guys on the line of scrimmage spread out with Knee-Capper on the left.

Gerhart Wulf the Blitzer who’s looking to make a Pro sponsor this season picking up the ball with ease and still having time to give a little wave to his fans in the front row. An unconvincing nudge from Knee-Capper saw the centre pretty quiet for the punishers as focus shifted to the punishers right as Baldric Somerset and Leo Advar ran at one another with such gusto they managed to tackle each other to the ground. The Enchanters immediately capitalising on the force difference shifting the centre to the left with some well timed pushes.

Gordon Surrey made things exciting by turn 2 as he caused an upset on the Punishers thrower Dietmar Roblor who fancied himself a blocker and got stunned for the efforts.

Despite the force difference the Norfolk centre managed to push up leaving much of the punishers line 3 squares away from the centre line giving them some field advantage as players shifted from right to left to help block the run. The punishers pushed back though with a convincing counter attack with The Enchanters centre all rolling back continuously on the on the ground and pushed back to the centre at the cost of a self stun by Gerhart Kayetan. Whilst pushing in the centre though it allowed The Enchanters to launch their gambit on swinging out left around the Punishers push which could have proven more dangerous quicker if it weren’t for Baldric Somerset stunning himself for a turnover against Rein Valdred.

John Cambridgeshire on the other hand sure acted a threat by running up the left side to mark the ball carrier causing the Punishers push to dissolve a little as men to hurried back in order to help. The crowd ponderous at what the next move from either side would be as strength was matched with strength and wits with wits as Vulgott Knee-Capper tried to remember what he had for breakfast…

A quick run out to the wide open side saw Dietmar Roblor unmarked for a time and attempting to become one of those rare types of players who’s known as a thrower but is also an adept catcher. He was quickly picked out by the swiftness of Henry Durham whos quick thinking may have deterred the pass.

By turn 7 the heat was on as the ball had failed to make it past the half way line and The Enchanters had 2 players marking the ball carrier behind the push. The likes of Viscount Hamlyn and Admund Ulman doing their best to support and the rest of the team downing enchanters players as best they could to exploit a gap. Ryan Yorkshire gave the crowd something to shout about though, scoring not a touchdown but the matches first KO sending Rein Valdred to the side lines for a well earned nap.

The Norfolk Enchanters called a conservative stop for half time in order to reconsolidate their position, the coach knowing that one slip up could mean losing the one man advantage now earned.

HALF TIME – The Enchanters to receive the ball.

The Norfolk Enchanters set up with 3 lineman in the centre with blitzers on the wings, the catchers acting as backs in order to receive the ball. Joshua Buckinghamshire (The Enchanters thrower) yet to have a handle on the ball this season set himself up in the second row. Ben Cumberland the rising star of team out in the backfield received the ball out to the right picking it up with ease.

By the second half it was clear that The Enchanters were playing a very conservative game, unwilling to set their players up in unfavourable match-ups as best they could forcing the Prussian Punishers to go on the attack. If only Knee-Capper had been cooperative it may have proven a little better for the Prussians as he obviously wasn’t shaken out of his daze at half time… bone head and a loner… no dice today was what the crowd was thinking and maybe it was the booing that made him wake up but sure enough on turn 10 it was Scott Sussex’ turn to be taken for a sit down as a mighty blow from the ogre evened things out for a KO.

By turn 10 it was clear to see that The Norfolk Enchanters were headed left as they geared up for a running box. Peter Cornwall the blitzer being the corner stone of the attack as the push was on! Prussian players scrambled to man mark and hold the line as best they could… but could they hold on? Early answers looked promising to start as Gerhart Kayetan scored a knuckle to the temple of Matthew Devon for a stun on the far left. But some expert pushes saw an opening down the side line which The Norfolk Enchanters were all to pleased to exploit. The likes of John Cambridgeshire, Baldric Somerset and Ryan Yorskshire opening up a screen for the run of Ben Cumberland.

Vulgott Knee-Capper sought redemption from the team however as by turn 12 he was stunning Harold Hampshire to a clap from the crowd… a game of two halves for this guy it certainly was.

It was certainly a shocker though as the ball was being ran into the endzone people thought The Prussians still had a chance… that was until Stefan Lutolf forgetting to tie his shoe laces at half time raced back to trip himself up at the feet of Ben Cumberland. Turnerover and a TOUCHDOWN by turn 13.

Both players woke themselves up for the last few rounds as the players geared up for what people at home were hoping might be a Prussian comeback… the team gearing up for what looked like a push on their left. The kick was fluffed and the referee choosing to offer the ball to Dietmar Roblor who ram the ball up as other tried to make a gap for Geraint Hartmut who found himself way out in the back ready to receive the catch. Fumble…

The Norfolk Enchanters capitalised and soon found Gordon Surrey marking the ball as the rest of the field devolved into a rumble. Dietmar Roblor recovered and Gerhart Kayetan offered decent protection downing Ben Cumberland as other players from the Norfolk side ran up to provide extra pressure.

Geraint Hartmut was in the endzone waving his hands frantically for the pass, the crowd rose to their feet as Dietmar Roblor made a break for it running the ball to the half way line and glory was calling his name! Fumble… and as it turned out it was only the announcer asking after the owner of an overturned ox cart in the parking area to please attend at once. Hemry Durham with a cheeky punch in the back knocked poor old Dietmar to the ground and picked up the ball just in time for the referee to call the game to an end.

The game ended 1 – 0 to the Norfolk Enchanters who pleased their home fans immensely with retaining their unbeaten streak of 3 games so far this season on the back of 2 blitzers dead and a lame ogre… not bad for a bunch of duck worshippers!

[bayonet_chris]

Week three is done. Week four looks like this:

Saka Rauka (0-1-2, TD: 3/5, CAS: 7/2, TV 1090) vs The Norfolk Enchanters (3-0-0, TD: 5/0, CAS: 0/4, TV 970) - The undefeated Enchanters look to keep a hold of their perfect record and perfect defense against the struggling Saka Rauka.  Saka Rauka has been very ahead on the physical game, so a string of injuries could spell trouble for the Enchanters.Line: Enchanters +2 (TV -120)

Steel City Madmen (1-1-1, TD: 5/6, CAS: 2/8, TV 1020) vs Velker's Eviceratorsss! (1-2-0, TD: 3/4, CAS: 5/4, TV 1070) - The Evieceratorsss are coming off of two close losses and look to get back to their winning ways against a Steel City team that picked up its first win of the season. Should be a tight match. **Line**: Eviceratorsss! +0.5 (TV +50)

The Bessemer Process (0-3-0, TD: 1/10, CAS: 8/0, TV 1120) vs Teamos (2-0-1, TD: 6/1, CAS: 3/5, TV 1200) - Teamos looks at it's most physically daunting challenge to date and the Process has worked out some offensive kinks and scored its first touchdown last week.  The Process has been physically imposing and that could spell trouble for the nimble elves. Line: Teamos +2 (TV +80)

Prussian Punishers (0-2-1, TD: 2/5, CAS: 3/4, TV 1080) vs Brick Layers (2-0-1, TD: 7/1, CAS: 3/4, TV 1180) - the high flying and scoring Brick Layers look to continue their hot play against a Punishers team looking to establish some consistency on the pitch.  The Brick Layers are done with the non-human part of their schedule, so we'll see how that looks for them. Line: Brick Layers +2 (TV+100)

[bayonet_chris]

Week 4 - Prussian Punnishers vs Brick Layers

Week four found the surprisingly high flying Brick Layers taking on the Prussian Punnishers, one of four straight against human opponents. The Brick Layers were confident, but coach Bayonet_Chris was worried they were too confident. “These teams are young and inexperienced - they’ll pull out some real chaotic stuff when you’re not looking, which is ironic considering”, he said, glancing at his motley crew of beastmen and Chaos Warriors.

The Punnishers didn’t even wait until the opening kick off to start playing mind games with the visiting Brick Layers. They won the coin toss and deferred, choosing to kick. The beastmen in the backfield thought it was an elaborate trick, but played along. Fra’gor, alone in the backfield, was even more sure it was a trick when the opening kick-off sailed far over his head and into the crowd. He took the touchback and started advancing up the right flank as his teammates cleared the path.

Blitzer Gerhart Wulf tried to back off from the line but ended up tripping and impaling himself on the spiked knee pads of his ogre teammate, Vulgott Knee-Capper. The crowd fell silent as the blitzer appeared to die, but luckily the team apothecary was able to perform emergency surgery at midfield and keep him breathing. They escorted him to the sidelines and rubbed some dirt on the wound, allowing him to join the reserves.

The Brick Layers tried to seize the advantage, but couldn’t clear the path as cleanly as they wanted to. Myny Beard tried to act as lead blocker, but stumbled into a hit, leaving a small gap in the line. Viscount Hamlyn took advantage through a dangerous blitz into a unlikely gap, dodging all of the blockers to deliver a serious blow to Fra’gor, knocking the ball loose and nearly the beastman’s head. He was injured, but coach Bayonet_Chris elected to not use his apothecary and see how it played out. Viscount grabbed the ball and move downfield.

The chaos team had a moment of panic at the unexpected turn of events, but Grantigor quickly reversed course and slammed Viscount hard, knocking him out and the ball to the ground. The rest of the team continued to lay a beating on the humans while Gran’gors picked up the ball. Without a moment of rest, blitzer Stefan Luxor sprung up from the ground and blitzed into  Gran’gors, knocking him down. The ball was loose again, but he had no support. Catcher Geraint Hartmut tried to scoop up the ball, but there were too many arms and legs around it to get a clean hold.

One of those arms belonged to Eyesweat Dha’Ugu’y, who backhanded the diminutive catcher in the jaw, knocking him out. Grantigor, ever level headed, cleared Stefan away, allowing Gran’gors, once again, to pick up the ball and dash up field. Tired of being chased down by what can only be described as fanatical cultists pretending to be humans, Gran’gors threw the ball upfield where it was caught by Myny Beard, who sprinted into the open field.

Screaming a battle cry, Punnisher’s thrower Dietmar Roblor dodged away and blitzed the beastman. Hitting him as hard as he could and, inexplicably, knocking him and the ball to the turf. Dietmar scooped up the loose ball and waited for reinforcements deep in his zone. Myny roared in anger, sprung up, and punched Dietmar right in his stupid face before picking up the  ball once again. More Brick Layers moved down field to support him as the rest of the team stayed behind the play, kicking and punching every human they could see. Finally, on Turn 5, Myny Beard marched into the end zone to take the lead.

The ensuing kick-off gave the Brick Layers to plan a surprise of their own. Calling an audible on the kick, the entire defense shifted and confused the Punnishers. The Punnishers collapsed back into their backfield, trying to protect the ball. Viscount Hamlyn failed to get away cleanly from the line, however, and took a hard tumble. Both flanks of the Brick Layers, beastmen and Chaos Warriors alike, sprinted into the backfield. Mashg Paw blitzed and shoved back a blocker, putting himself nose to nose with the ball carrier.

As the Punnishers were attempting to deal with the quick onslaught, Blitzer Rein Valdred attempted to block Slashliver Grosspinch and received a quick headbutt for his troubles. This gave the Brick Layers the chance they needed. Mashg Paw blitzed forward, knocking the ball carrier down. Fortune was truly on his side because the ball bounced up right into his hands. He dodged away from the remaining blocker and scored, giving the Brick Layers a 2-0 just before halftime. The Brick Layers kicked the ball high into the air and the Punnishers managed to make a quick completion before the referee blew the whistle to end the half.

The second half started with the Brick Layers kicking again, for the third time in the game. Another high kick to start the half. Dietmar ran under the kick but couldn’t pull it in. Vulgott Knee-Capper., the massive ogre, took the halftime score personally and unleashed a devastating uppercut to Ulner Snout, centering the defensive line. Ulnar was badly hurt from the blow and wouldn’t return to the game.

Eyesweat Dha Ulgu’y, seeing his teammate knocked out of the game, was not amused. He balled up his fist and delivered a massive blow to Viscount Hamlyn - to that point the Punnisher’s most effective player - killing him instantly. The Brick Layers roared in approval and surged forward to engage. Gran-gors blitzed into the backfield and hit Dietmar, stunning him and knocking the ball loose.

The Punnishers started to panic which led to lineman Bertolf Valdric’s spectacular failed dodge that caused him to break his own neck. The entire pitch felt tilted towards Chaos at that point and the crowd could sense doom. Grantigor, knocked to the pitch a moment earlier, jumped up and butted Gerhart Wulf in the face, injuring him for the rest of the game.

Not wanting to be left out, Kardos Fangepile kicked lineman Stefan Lutolf in the gut, also injuring and removing him from the game. The crowd was silent, watching so many of the home town team be seriously injured. Grangors attempted to pick up the ball, but ended up knocking it into Slashliver Grosspinch’s open hands. The Chaos Warrior ran down the field while his teammates continued to attack.The Chaos team even ganged up on the Ogre, four on one, to knock him to the ground. On turn 13, Slashliver high stepped into the end zone for his first career touchdown without an opponent in sight.

The Brick Layers set up to kick once again to a very outnumbered Punnisher team. The humans could only field seven players on the pitch compared to nine on the chaos squad. A rough double-takedown block by the ogre did not help matters either. The chaos team swarmed into the backfield while the line of scrimmage was locked down. The Punnishers tried to fight back at the line of scrimmage, but the Chaos Gods had seen enough and decided to make things quick.

The players rushed down the field to mark the remaining Punnishers in the backfield while Slashliver again scooped up the ball. Out of luck and out of time, the Punnishers couldn’t do anything to stop him from scoring his second touchdown of the game just before the final whistle for a 4-0 final.



Stats

Team	Prussian Punnishers	Brick Layers
Touchdowns	0	4 (Myny Beard, Mashg Paw, Slashliver Grosspinch 2)
Armor Breaks	5 (2 injuries - Viscount Hamlyn, Vulgott Knee-Capper.)	11 (3 injuries - Grantigor, Eyesweat Dha Ulgu’y, Kardos Fangepile)
MVP	Leo Advar (Lineman)	Grantigor (Beastman)

Injury Report

Brick Layers

• Fra’gor - Badly Hurt by Viscount Hamlyn T1
• Ulner Snout - Badly Hurt by Vulgott Knee-Capper T9

Prussian Punnishers

• Gerhart Wulf - Dead on a failed dodge T1 (Apothecary to reserves)
• Viscount Hamlyn - Killed by Eyesweat Dha Ulgu’y T9
• Bertolf Valdric - Dead on a failed dodge T11
• Gerhart Wulf - Badly Hurt by Grantigors T11
• Stefan Lutolf - Badly Hurt by Kardos Fangepile T11

Next Up

• Brick Layers (3-0-1) vs The Norfolk Enchanters (3-0-0)
• Prussian Punishers (0-3-1) vs Steel City Madmen (1-1-1)

[TTC]

Wow, these previews and post-game writeups rock. Y'all are certainly adding another layer of fun to this league!

May Nuffle bless your dice when you aren't facing the Teamos.

[Undercovergeek]

Meant to say this last week - the post match write ups are excellent

[Cyrano]

Meant to say this last week - the post match write ups are excellent

+1, to be sure.

Very enjoyable and appreciated.

[bob48]

Really enjoy reading them, and, although I don't play the PC version, my buddies and I played the board game a lot back in the day.

[bayonet_chris]

The more the merrier. I have lots of experience with the board game, so I'm really enjoying just having the opportunity to get some games in.

[bayonet_chris]

Week 5 - The Norfolk Enchanters vs Brick Layers

Week 5 featured a matchup of two of the three remaining undefeated teams left in the league, with the 4-0 Norfolk Enchanters visiting the 3-0-1 Brick Layers in a true clash of the titans. Norfolk was coming off of a commanding 4-0 victory over Saka Rauka while the Brick Layers defeated the Prussian Punnishers by an identical score.

Norfolk had yet to surrender a touchdown this season and scored the bulk of their touchdowns with their stellar receiving corps, led by star catcher Ben Cumberland. The Brick Layers offered a new threat to the league leading humans, a combination of size and strength matched with a balanced and opportunistic defense, led by beastmen Grantigor, Fra’gor, and Mashg Paw. This would also be the long awaited debut of the rookie Minotaur El Toro Loco, looking to add some extra muscle and ferocity to the Chaos team’s front line.

The Chaos team was so well regarded and feared that the league offered the Enchanters inducements to play, despite being atop the leaderboards. Two bonus rerolls and a wandering apothecary were provided to the team in an effort to make things more balanced.

The Norfolk Enchanters won the opening coin toss and deferred, preferring to start on defense. The Brick Layers set a strong line up front with only beastman Mashg Paw in the backfield to receive. The kick was short, landing just behind the line, and the Brick Layers exploded into action. Despite a strong push off the line, the humans stood their ground. Mashg Paw, normally deft and nimble, couldn’t pick up the ball.

Peter Cornwall rushed into the backfield to try and cause a problem after the unfortunate turnover. The rest of the Enchanters tried to fight back but couldn’t push enough of the strong front line away to make a difference. Slashliver Grosspinch slapped Enchanter lineman Ryan Yorkshire away with a vicious backhand, badly injuring the lineman. Kardos Fangepile then was able to blitz into the backfield and knock Cornwall away from the ball, allowing Mashg Paw time to recover and move up field along the right side.

El Toro Loco’s first time to act involved going head to head with the Enchanter’s burly Ogre, Barry Midland. Unfortunately both Loco and Barry butted heads and knocked each other down to the turf. Loco smashed his ankle, but quick work by the apothecary put him in the reserve box and available to return to the game. The Enchanters moved back into position and Barry got himself up and moved next to the ball carrier, trying to add additional difficulty.

Mashg Paw easily evaded the ogre and continued moving up field. The teams battled in the trenches, but the humans were having a difficult time with the considerably stronger Chaos team. They kept lining up and jumping back into the fray, regardless. Mashg Paw tried to bulldoze Enchanters lineman Henry Durham but ended up knocking himself out in the process, fumbling the ball on the sidelines. The Enchanters leapt into action to take advantage of the fumble, with lineman Scott Sussex scooping up the ball and running into the open field.

Point-fagors was having none of this tomfoolery and quickly blitzed across the field to knock poor Durham down and the ball loose. The Chaos team formed a box around the ball, deciding to play it a bit safe. To their credit, the Enchanters did not back down and pressured the box, attempting to clear some space to make a play.

The Brick Layers went toe to toe, knocking Enchanters away and generally using their superior strength to their advantage. While the battle was going on, Fra’gor ran deep into the Enchanter backfield as an open target. Grantigor was able to pick up the ball, but not able to get much protection from his friends in the scrum. Barry Midland ran into the group and laid the beastman out, popping the ball loose once again.

On Turn 7, Grantigor sprung up from the ground, scooped up the ball, and attempted to connect with Fra’gor downfield. Unfortunately the pass missed the target and ended up in the middle of the field. The Enchanters Matthew Devon picked up the ball and his teammates tried to rally around him.

The Brick Layers made a series of desperate plays on their turn 8 to try and turn the tide. Chaos Warrior Lekior Liverrip dodged away from his marked man and blitzed Matthew Devon, knocking the ball free. Ulner Snout picked up the loose ball and handed it to Fra’gor, who easily dodged away and scampered into the end zone for the game’s first score.

The Enchanters received the ball at the end of the half, but didn’t have time to do much with it. The Brick Layers blitzed, but an unfortunate mishap ended in tragedy. Myny Beard, zigged when he should have zagged and ended up dying. No one on the field or in the stands was quite sure what happened. (Editor’s Note: I attempted to select another player and move him but the selection never left Myny, so he ended up dodging into two tackle zones unnecessarily). Enchanters thrower Joshua Buckingham attempted to make a completion, but the ball was not caught by the target and the referee blew the whistle to end the half.

The second half started with the Brick Layers on defense again and the Enchanters in two new and uncomfortable situations - having been scored on and having to play from behind. Ben Cumberland ran under the high kick and attempted to move down the right side, his teammates attempting to form a cage and push through the Chaos team. The Brick Layers met them head on and jammed the line of scrimmage. Both Ogre and Minotaur made themselves very involved and the right side of the field turned into hand to hand combat.

The strong side was a pitched battle, but the Enchanters’ weak side was collapsing rapidly, allowing the Brick Layers to reinforce on both sides. Even with the massive strength advantage, the Enchanters were able to open a narrow gap on the sidelines allowing Cumberland and his escorging blocker, John Cambridgeshire, to escape into the open field.

Several beastmen collapsed upon them and Grantigor attacked Cambridgeshire, knocking him into Cumberland’s path and pinning the ballcarrier against the sidelines. Further up field, the rest of the Brick Layers were pushing as many of the Enchanters up against the sidelines as possible - a very precarious position. Cumberland attempted to hand the ball to Cambridgeshire so he could score, but the clearly frightened catcher could not make the play, dropping the ball just a few yards from the goal line. This drop nearly cost Cumberland his life as Beastman Ulner Snout knocked the star catcher off the pitch and into the ravenous crowd, injuring him. Luckily for all involved, the injury was not serious - but Cumberland would be out the rest of the match.

Two more Enchanters were thrown into the pitch and beaten, but not injured, as the Brick Layers asserted their physical dominance. In the chaos, Fra’gor scooped up the loose ball and dodged away near his allies. Blitzer Gordon Surrey was still able to evade his mark and get loose to blitz and knock down Fra’gor. The ball fell loose and Cambridgeshire made several difficult dodges but was again unable to handle the ball cleanly with so many opponents nearby.

The Brick Layers cleared some room and once again Fra’gor got up and retrieved the ball. By this point, the Minotaur and the Ogre were taking turns beating on each other. With time running out in the half, the Brick Layers were finally able to move the ball out of their backfield and in the right direction. Short on manpower, the Enchanters couldn’t stop Fra’gor from jogging up the sideline and firing a perfect pass to Mashg Paw, who was minding his business downfield and completely wide open. Mashg high stepped into the episode with no opponents in sight.

On the ensuing kickoff, the Enchanters tried to make a pass but failed. The game ended with El Toro Loco absolutely hammering Enchanter Ogre Barry Midland, stunning him. The Minotaur flexed over his body and roared in approval as the final whistle sounded, ending the game a 2-0 Brick Layer victory.

The Enchanters awarded MVP to Ryan Yorkshire, who was injured on turn 1 of the game and spent the rest of the match cheering from a stretcher. The Brick Layers went with a similar theme and awarded the MVP to recently deceased beastman Myny Beard who killed himself in an unfortunate turf accident.  Overall this was a tight, closely contested game that could have turned out very differently with a single die roll here or there.

Stats

Team	Norfolk Enchanters	Brick Layers
Touchdowns	0	2 (Fra’gor, Mashg Paw)
Armor Breaks	2 (1 casualty - Barry Midland)	9 (1 casualty - Slashliver Grosspinch)
MVP	Ryan Yorkshire (lineman)	Myny Beard (beastman) - KIA

Injury Report

Brick Layers

• El Toro Loco - Smashed Ankle (-1MA) by Barry Midland T2 (Apothecary to reserves)
• Myny Beard - killed on a missed dodge T8

Norfolk Enchanters

• Ryan Yorkshire - Badly hurt by Kardos Fangepile T1
• Ben Cumberland - Badly hurt by the crowd T12

Next Up

• Brick Layers (4-0-1) vs  Saka Rauka (0-3-2)
• The Norfolk Enchanters (4-1-0) vs Steel City Madmen (1-2-1)

[TTC]

Week 5: Velker's Eviceratorsss (2-2) versus the Teamos (3-0-1)

Velker%u2019s Eviceratorsss entered the match with a 2-2 record, traveling to Dreamland to face the undefeated pride of the elves: the Teamos. In a very Human-centric league, Jim promised a lot more excitement in a wide-open match of speedy teams. Bob said he just wanted to see someone die. (He wouldn't be disappointed.)

The match started with a kickoff event for the Teamos: an extra reroll. That would set the stage for the day. The Eviceratorsss started off in a tight defense, content to let their Skinks cover the field, while the Teamos took the short kick on the right side and immediately tried to build a cage around their all-star catcher, Siyangion "He's gone" Tathron. Alyan Nertaith set up on the left side of the pitch with a wedge of escorting elves' two-pronged attack, ignoring the meaty center of the Eviceratorsss defense. The Teamos did not come out physical, and even their best attacks in the opening of the game only ended up in some light shoving. Meanwhile, a first-turn KO by Nigel on elven lineman Arlathtan Neltaelan caused the Teamos faithful to worry.

The Teamos attack couldn't get started after a series of fruitless blocks against the Skinks resulted in a Skink and an Elven lineman both going down, without the Teamos advancing the ball at all--leaving a tight lane of attack open against the Teamos ball carrier. Two Skinks expertly made their way to Siyangion but couldn't bring him down. Siyangion tossed the ball back to Saelron Barthatheil, the expert thrower, who heaved a long pass downfield to his streaking blitzer Rhasscaeon "Superman" Undoos. Rhasscaeon, more accustomed to hitting than catching, couldn't hang on to the expertly thrown pass. Still, the ball was deep in Eviceratorsss territory with some elves around it, and no one predicted the quick turn of events about to happen.

The Eviceratorsss picked up the loose ball deep in their own territory, survived a dangerous blitz, then Conquaconquaxz ran to midfield and made a spectacular pass over the elves, to Alexander whose great catch and run scored a quick touchdown just four turns into the game.

The Teamos took the kick and this time moved toward the left side of the pitch. Bartatheil advanced the ball past midfield and again tried to throw to one of his blitzers, who was nearing the end zone. RIssion Elerdel made the catch (after a quick reroll offering was made to Nuffle), just two steps from the end zone. But Rission was out of steps and was soon swarmed by Eviceratorssss. The Teamos were too greedy again and--again--lost the ball deep in Eviceratorsss%u2019 territory. Alexander quickly ran the ball to midfield, but his pass to a wide open Conquaconquaxz was not so great. They tried to repeat their last performance with reversed roles and failed. The half ended with a last-ditch effort by Alexander to pick up and throw to Conquaconquaxz, but Alexander%u2014probably still upset by his last pass--couldn't even pick up the ball as the halftime buzzer sounded.

With a 1-0 deficit and about to kick the ball away for the second half, the Teamos' locker room was grim. Coach TC was unhappy with the number of failed Dodge and GFI rolls, even if he could understand his elves%u2019 inability to knock the Skinks down and out.

Then the craziness started, as the Teamos won the kickoff event and got a free blitz, with every player not in a tackle zone getting a free turn. With the Teamos playing off the line of scrimmage and the Eviceratorsss bunched up tight, two elves streaked down the sideline and Rission, who couldn't score at the end of the first half, caught his teams' own kickoff halfway to the end zone. The Eviceratorsss retreated and surrounded him, but couldn't bring him down. With two of elves open in the end zone looking for a pass, RIssion computed his odds and decided to run it in himself--tiptoeing down the sideline and dodging some swipes from the Eviceratorssss. It was 1-1 only one turn into the second half.

The Teamos then set up for a kickoff and tried to pin the Eviceratorsss deep, but this time fortune favored the Eviceratorsss as the kickoff event left four elves stunned on the pitch with only one Eviceratorsss down, and an errant bounce sent the ball out of the end zone for a touchback. The Eviceratorsss moved the ball quickly, and after another Teamos failed dodge, were almost to the end zone and the go-ahead score with most of the elves--including the stunned players from the kickoff--still on the ground. Newt of Roith ran the ball to within a dwarf%u2019s jump of the end zone and waited for his teammates to accompany him in. Fellow Skink Maximus ran forward to take the vanguard and protect his fellow Skink, but he ran too hard and tripped on a large blade of grass. When even a quick reroll offering to Nuffle failed, Maximus had to be carted off the pitch injured (although his teammates whispered later that it was his pride, and nothing more, that was hurt on that play).

The speedy elves closed in on Newt and his escorts, knocked the ball loose and injured Newt, and then all the players from both teams swarmed around the loose ball--well, everyone except Rission, who saw that all but one of the Skinks were out and decided to run long for the end zone. Then came Bob's Play of the Game, as Virtutis the Kroxigor charged toward the ball. Brave, or foolhardy, Horthborn Aldaloth (who was already suffering from a back injury suffered earlier in the season), tried to stop Virtutis. "That was a brave thing Horthborn did," said Coach TC, as he promised to take good care of Horthborn's widow, who he described as "Galadriel-like, the loveliest of all of the players' wives." When asked why he never invested in an apothecary, Coach TC mentioned
"Galadriel" again.

With the ball getting batted around as neither team could get to it, elven catcher Alyan Nertaith soon emerged with the ball and ran down the sideline, with one Skink and a gaggle of slower Eviceratorsss behind him--and no one in front of him. His pass to a wide wide (world of sports) open Rission was on the money, and RIssion ran toward the end zone. It looked like an automatic score on the next turn.

But in the stuff in which legends are almost made, Skink Alexander, who had been knocked out on the kickoff and had lain unseen on the pitch just yards from the end zone, suddenly sprang to life. He charged Rission, who was just a tad too far from Alexander, and fell down right at his feet. There were no more supplications left for Nuffle, and Rission then walked in for the 2-1 lead with only three turns left.

Down by 1 and with three turns left, the Eviceratorsss were still in a position to play for a draw%u2014except for one thing, they were down to three healthy Skinks. Their last effort was disrupted when Jeffery couldn't handle his handoff from Conquaconquaxz, and soon both teams were off to the showers, with a 2-1 victory in the books for the Teamos.

Coach TC was quick to praise Nuffle after the match. "We really had a lot going against us, but that crazy kickoff and Maximus tripping, did you see that? But the fan factors and cheerleaders, I give them almost as much credit as I give myself for telling my players to be in the right place. Anyway, I need to go comfort Horthborn's wife. Do you see how her well-pointed ears peek out from her platinum-blonde hair?"

Velker had little to say after the match. He said he was happy that Virtutis finally got his first kill and, while he did regret seeing an opposing player die on the pitch, "If any of my players die, I hope it's Maximus. He's the real bonehead, not Virtutis." Then he looked toward the Teamos sideline and said, "It looks like Coach TC is going to take good care of Hothborn's wife anyway."

[bayonet_chris]

Week 6 - Saka Rauka vs Brick Layers

The undefeated Brick Layers looked to close out week 6 and their tour of human kingdoms with a battle against Saka Rauka. The beleaguered human squad was looking to bounce back after some tough league losses. The Chaos team kicked off, sending a towering kick deep into Rauka territory. Unfortunately, Ogre Vugg Lost took a few minutes to get in gear and spent the first sequence staring at the fans in the crowd, oblivious to the play around him.

The Brick Layers burst off the line, sending beastmen around the flanks and into the backfield to attack the ball carrier while the heavy hitting chaos warriors tied up the lines. Hilldred Rustia tried rushing down the sidelines into an open gap, but Gran’gors caught him and sent him into the crowd, injuring him. Saka Rauka healers attended to him immediately and got him into the reserves box. The crowd tossed the ball deep into the Brick Layers backfield.

With all of the ballhandlers up field, the chaos team rushed back to protect and secure the ball, knocking any human they could get their hands on out of the way. Point-Fagors was the first to the ball and he picked it up, waiting for his teammates to provide him cover. The human squad tried to get to him, but no one could get close enough to stop him.

Point-Fagors side-stepped a human blitzer and handed off to Grantigor, in the middle of the field. Grantigor slid through an opening provided by the Chaos Warriors and completed a pass to Mashg Paw, who sprinted into the open field, far away from danger.

Vugg Lost was still staring and waving at spectators when El Toro Lock charged into him, knocking him down to the ground and addling the already addled ogre’s brains. By the time he came to, Mashg Paw had already high stepped into the end zone to take a 1-0 league (Turn 4).

The Brick Layers set up to kick once again, sending a towering high kick into the middle of the Saka Rauka backfield. Some quick back and forth on the line led to a momentary stalemate. There was enough of a gap for Grantigor to swing around the flank and blitz Hilldred Rustia, knocking him and the ball to the ground. Beastmen, smelling blood, rushed into the backfield in an attempt to capitalize on the turnover.

Galahad Rolf bravely slipped through several tackles to scoop up the loose ball and swing around into the open field. He wasn’t out of range of Point-Fagors, who crushed him with a huge hit along the edge, knocking the ball loose. Chaos players moved into position but Lektor couldn’t secure the ball. Blitzer Amund Valdred said a quick prayer and rushed into a heavily fortified Chaos position, somehow not only staying on his feet but also securing the ball (seriously, it was like 5+, 6+, 6+)! Lektor tried to jar the ball loose, but the blitzer held his ground and knocked the chaos warrior to the ground just before the half.

The second half started with the Brick Layers setting up to receive. Mashg Paw was set up as the solitary receiver in the backfield while the rest of the team pushed forward on the line for maximum carnage. Saka Rauka had a great coaching pep talk to start the half, but that evidently didn’t extend into the kicking duties as the ball sailed well out of bounds for a touchback.

The chaos squad rarely gets to practice offensive sets in games, so they set up in unbalanced formation, sending Grantigor and Fra’gor deep into the Rauka secondary while the line pushed everyone back and set up a loose cage on the right flank. Mashg Paw rushed up the right flank behind ample protection. This is where the excellent planning by coach Achilles came into effect, as Saka Rauka had secured the services of a wizard before the game. With an arcane word and a strong smell of ozone, Mashg Paw was struck by a single bolt from the sky (Turn 9 if you want to watch the replay).

The humans rushed to the flank to try and take advantage of the confusion, but Saka Rauka had problems with the overwhelming strength of the Chaos squad all day. In the confusion of the lightning bolt, Fra’gor was left wide open in the Saka Rauka backfield. Mashg Paw stood up, still smoking from the crater left in the ground, and picked up the ball. He attempted to throw it to the wide open receiver but ended up overshooting him and sending the ball clear across the field. Not only was it a turnover, but Saka Rauka actually had a manpower advantage and tried to capitalize.

Half of the chaos team rushed back to cover before Point-Fagors blitzed and rocked Admund, knocking the ball loose. The Brick Layers continued to bring back numbers and hit humans wherever they saw them. Saka Rauka was unable to recover the ball through the superior chaos numbers. Mashg Paw picked up the ball and made a pinpoint pass to Fra’gor who sprinted into open field, far away from danger. On Turn 13, Fra’gor moon walked into the end zone for a 2-0 lead.

The Brick Layers kicked once more on turn 13 as the Saka Rauka tried to generate some offense. The humans tried to muscle through the chaos team’s left flank, but the Brick Layers proved to be too strong, refusing to give up ground or provide a gap. The chaos players held the line and started to swing around on the right flank, pressuring the line. Fra’gor slipped through a gap to pressure the ball carrier, Edmund Valdric. Edmund tried to throw out of danger, but ended up fumbling the ball instead.

The human left flank collapsed into the center and the chaos team pushed through the right. Fra’gor bulled through Edmund and scooped up the ball while his teammates knocked down anyone nearby with any hope of catching him. Galahad Wulf, the diminutive catcher, made a desperate attempt to get in Fra’gor’s way - between him and the endzone - but the burly beastman just shrugged the catcher aside and strode into the end zone with ease.

The crowd erupted into cheers and started pouring onto the field, despite a kickoff and remaining turn. The Brick Layers managed to kick the ball off despite the throng of party-going well-wishers. The Saka Rauka squad cleared the way while 8 of the 11 Brick Layers were stunned in the celebratory mosh pit. Wanting no part of it, the humans ran off the field and the official blew the final whistle.

Stats

Team	Saka Rauka	Brick Layers
Touchdowns	0	3 (Fra’gor 2, Mashg Paw)
Armor Breaks	1	11
MVP	Vugg Lost (Ogre)	Mashg Paw (beastman)

Injury Report

Brick Layers

• None

Saka Rauka

• Hilldred Rustia - Badly hurt by crowd T2 (Apothecary to reserves)

Next Up

• Brick Layers (5-0-1) vs Steel City Madmen (2-2-2)
• Saka Rauka (0-4-2) vs Velker’s Eviceratorrrs! (2-3-1)