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Author Topic: Tales of Military Idiots  (Read 22457 times)

bayonetbrant

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on: November 08, 2018, 10:37:22 PM

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Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
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Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


bayonetbrant

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Reply #1 on: November 08, 2018, 10:38:58 PM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


bayonetbrant

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Reply #2 on: November 08, 2018, 10:41:38 PM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


trailrunner

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Reply #3 on: November 09, 2018, 07:03:44 AM
When i was an Army civilian, we had to take much of the same training as soldiers.  Around 2009 or so (give or take), they distributed a training sheet based on an incident that had happened in theater.  A soldier was loading his .50 cal MG.  Something was jammed, so he grabbed a round, and started pounding on the gun with the bottom of the round.  The round went off in his hand, blowing away most of his fingers and part of his hand.

I felt sorry for the Army admin that they had to take the time to make and distribute a flyer warning against such stupidity.  To ensure its effectiveness, they had a photo from the hospital of the guy's hand blown away, which was pretty gross.

If I had not seen the photo, I would not believe someone was that stupid.  Perhaps he was trying to get a ticket home, and used this method instead of shooting himself in the foot.

I’ve spent half my life’s earning on wargames, women, and drink. The rest I wasted.


bayonetbrant

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Reply #4 on: November 14, 2018, 10:30:56 AM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


bayonetbrant

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Reply #5 on: November 14, 2018, 10:32:31 AM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


bayonetbrant

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Reply #6 on: November 14, 2018, 10:34:30 AM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


bayonetbrant

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Reply #7 on: July 04, 2021, 08:27:06 PM
Summer 2002, Ft Irwin CA.
On the last night in the field, the 287th ACR (TNARNG) was pulled into a laaager site around Four Corners for the night, waiting to drop off all unused blanks, smoke, hoffman charges, and star clusters on their way back into the motor pool.
It was a clear, warm night, as you often get in the summer in the desert, but with 15mph winds, gusting up to 25mph.
So of course, these idiot rednecks decide it's "fun" and "blowing off steam" to shoot off star clusters (y'know, the kind that use burning magnesium to illuminate the sky with different colors) over the assembled vehicles of the entire regiment, including (and especially) the double line of 5000g tanker trucks full of JP8.

I very, very seriously considered walking back to the cantonment area and checking into the guest house for the night and then meet everyone back at the dustbowl the next morning...  if anyone survived.
What's *really* crazy is that it was only maybe about 5th most wrong thing those guys did on that entire rotation, on a list that easily hits double digits.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


Martok

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Reply #8 on: July 05, 2021, 03:57:59 AM
As soon as I saw the word "tanker", my first thought was to wonder how anyone *didn't* die that night.  :face: 


"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

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besilarius

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Reply #9 on: July 05, 2021, 10:34:59 AM
The USS Lawrence was a DDG in early 1972.  She was at Guantanamo for Refresher Training.
She was the Atlantic Fleet's test bed for new technologies and was more of a testing vehicle than a trained combatant.  Her captain and XO were more engineers than sailors.  They Whenhad not prepped for intense drills. she started the Reftra, they got rudely awakened.  No slack for being a test bed, the ship had to perform under combat conditions, and they were failing.
By the third day, they were in trouble, not a  record, but kind of unusual.
One of the first class sailors otg his promotion to chief on the way to Gitmo.  The Captain allowed the chiefs to have a wetting down party at the CPO club.  They all left, in dress whites to get utterly sh*t faced.
After the drills performed earlier in the day, there was oil in the bilges.  Should have been pumped out three miles from shore, but the chiefs were distracted.
Oil in the bilges would have gotten a gig when the inspectors checked the space.  Without telling anyone, the chief engineer told the watch to pump it out.  In the morning, he would say the oil slick had to be from Manley or Columbus.
Well, the kid set up an eductor to empty the bilges.  An eductor works by suction.  A strong stream of water goes through an open block.  This is in the liquid, the suction pulls in the fluid and it goes down the pipe.
Unfortunately, he hooked up the eductor backwards.  It was pulling seawater from outside the ship into the bilges.
Across the pier was Manley, and all the quarterdeck watch were saying isn't Lawrence lower in the water?
The engineering section had no idea why, but DON'T turn off the eductor, it's the only thing keeping us from sinking.
By now, it was dark and the Captain knew they were in real trouble.  His answer?  Get the chiefs back.
Well they'd been slamming drinks for three. Hours and had to be rolled into the bus.  When the bus got on the pier, the chiefs stumbled on board, in their dress whites, and the XO sent them down.  And not just the engineers but all of them - radiomen, gunners, skivvy wavers, electronic tech.
Well by 9:30, they had gotten the chiefs back out.
At the Officers club they announce all officers of Lawrence report to the ship.
Why?
She's sinking at the pier.
Well this sounded like the most fun, so the O club emptied for this show.
The Damage Control Assistant was brand new, he'd been pulled out of school and shipped down after the Lawrence's first day.  The former DCA got permission to separate just prior to the ship heading to Gitmo and left a mess.
The poor guy said they needed help.
The duty Hull Tech, Orel Rist, got his away team over and had his portable pumps running in no time.
He traced out the hookup figured out it was wrong, and shut it off.  He saved the ship.
And the Captain, XO, chief engineer, were relieved for cause and the ship failed Reftra.

An epic performance.

"These things must be done delicately-- or you hurt the spell."  - The Wicked Witch of the West.
"We've got the torpedo damage temporarily shored up, the fires out and soon will have the ship back on an even keel. But I would suggest, sir, that if you have to take any more torpedoes, you take 'em on the starboard side."   Pops Healy, DCA USS Lexington.


bayonetbrant

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Reply #10 on: July 05, 2021, 11:23:20 AM
Just a guess, you were the new dca?

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Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


Martok

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Reply #11 on: July 05, 2021, 03:08:24 PM
Wow.  A regular tragicomedy of errors. 



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besilarius

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Reply #12 on: July 05, 2021, 03:33:05 PM
Oh no.
I was on Manley and was prepping for Shore Patrol.
If you ever want to get a shudder from an old East Coast sailor, ask about the cattle cars at Gitmo.

"These things must be done delicately-- or you hurt the spell."  - The Wicked Witch of the West.
"We've got the torpedo damage temporarily shored up, the fires out and soon will have the ship back on an even keel. But I would suggest, sir, that if you have to take any more torpedoes, you take 'em on the starboard side."   Pops Healy, DCA USS Lexington.


bayonetbrant

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Reply #13 on: July 13, 2021, 01:34:37 PM

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=++

Random acts of genius and other inspirations of applied violence.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Six Degrees of Radio for songs you should know by artists you should love


Martok

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Reply #14 on: July 13, 2021, 09:08:06 PM
Oh man, I hadn't read that one in a while.  Yeah, definitely worth sharing again.  ;D 


"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike