Armchair Dragoons Forums

News:

  • Connections Online 2024 will be held 15-20 April, 2024 ~~ More Info here
  • Buckeye Game Fest will be held May 2-5, 2024, with The War Room opening on 29 April ~~ More Info here

News

Connections Online 2024 will be held 15-20 April, 2024 ~~ More Info here

Author Topic: Strategy gaming humor  (Read 17257 times)

mirth

  • Cardboard Mohel
  • Lance Sergeant
  • ****
  • Posts: 7291
    • Armchair Dragoons
Reply #45 on: May 24, 2021, 10:36:13 AM
Next up:

 "Killing Hitler", a $19.99 DLC   8)

It would be funnier if it weren't friggin true.

Being able to Google shit better than your clients is a legit career skill.


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #46 on: June 03, 2021, 03:35:32 AM
There comes a time when you just have to let them grow up and make their own mistakes... 



Protectorate Goes On To Have Little Protectorates Of Its Own


Quote

The Scyldari Confederacy confirmed this Sunday that one of its recently released protectorates has gone on to oversee two small protectorates of its own.

“I just can’t believe it,” a clearly emotional Scyldari leader Dackam told Xenonion, “they grow up so fast.”

The Palitine protectorate was cleaved from Scyldari territory eighteen years ago, when the peripheral sector was granted increased autonomy.

“Our borders haven’t been the same since we popped it out,” Dackam joked.

The Scyldari oversaw the fledgling protectorate take its first independent spaceflight, and issue its first insult to a foreign species.

However, in recent years the relationship between the two has become increasingly turbulent, prompting the Scyldari to formally release the Palitine earlier this year.

“It’s funny how quickly they go from a cute little one system minor to a bratty teenage space-nation demanding an allowance of 100 energy credits per month,” Dackam continued.

Scyldari officials were reportedly surprised to learn the Palitine had formed protectorates of its own, having long warned the region against undertaking this owing to its age, unfederated status and lack of stable energy income.

“I suppose in retrospect we maybe should have done more to crack down on the Palitine sending out those unsolicited vassalization demands,” Dackam concluded. “But perhaps now they’ll finally learn something about taking responsibility.”

Representatives from the Palitine declined to comment, stating they’d been up all night trying to settle the repeated migration treaty requests from their two new protectorates.




"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #47 on: June 06, 2021, 03:13:35 PM
Gus should get a kick out of this one.  :hehe: 






"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


mcguire

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Corporal
  • *
  • Posts: 1101
  • Shoes for industry!
Reply #48 on: June 07, 2021, 02:15:42 PM
 :o  :ROFL:  :2funny:

"Man...knowing how to use the cards properly certainly changes how I play the game" -- judgedredd


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #49 on: June 12, 2021, 12:04:55 AM
Stellaris players will definitely understand this one...  ::) 



Fleet needs upgrading again


Quote

The Tzynn Empire’s attempts to engage rampaging pirates was once again thwarted today after its entire military fleet was grounded for further upgrades.

The thirty corvettes and ten destroyers were commissioned less than a year ago, but engineers have struggled to keep pace with rapid technological change, upgrading ship armor, shields, engines and attack systems on almost a daily basis.

Today’s upgrade will see the ships fitted with the recently researched Plasteel Armor. At a cost of 325 alloys it boasts mild benefits compared to the Ceramo-Metal Armor that was installed just last week after an extensive nine-month retrofitting.

Militarist factions have criticized Tzynn Fleet Command for authorizing the upgrade, highlighting that the absence of regular fleet patrols appear to be emboldening pirate attacks on peripheral systems.

“This whole situation is outrageous,” retired Tzynn Admiral Raxeg told Xenonion. “The continual upgrades mean our primary fleet has never undocked from its home base, which is infuriating as, unlike other empires, we can actually afford to do that.”

A spokes-xeno for the Tzynn government, declined to comment, although did add “you have no idea how annoying it is to not clear that little upgrade icon that keeps popping up.”

The Tzynn government has pointed out it remains confident in its military’s capabilities, highlighting it has only lost 36 systems to pirates.

Engineers estimate the fleet will be completely upgraded at some point within the next three hundred years.





"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


Steelie

  • Corporal
  • **
  • Posts: 1036
Reply #50 on: June 12, 2021, 11:37:27 AM
"within the next three hundred years"  ;D ;D ;D

Somewhere, somehow, I woke up in the wrong timeline. I'm pretty sure this isn't even my dimension.


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #51 on: June 17, 2021, 01:37:34 AM
It's entertaining to watch (as more of TSB's videos), but honestly, it just really makes me want to get this game.  Sometimes I wonder if it well ever leave Early Access...  :waiting: 






"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #52 on: July 06, 2021, 04:56:41 PM
We must listen to the Scyldari -- before it's too late!! 






"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #53 on: July 15, 2021, 04:54:37 PM
Me and Stellaris (and most of my games, really)...  ::) 





« Last Edit: July 15, 2021, 05:20:47 PM by Martok »

"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike


ojsdad

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 2698
Reply #54 on: July 15, 2021, 08:57:20 PM
So say we all.

Here at ACD, we all pee the same color.


Bison

  • Corporal
  • **
  • Posts: 1263
Reply #55 on: July 16, 2021, 09:30:17 AM
My experience so far in Stellaris, and seemingly every other game, is for the first 5 minutes or so I am the single greatest player to have ever lived. Reality tends to set in around the 5 minute and 1 second mark when the self dialog goes into deeper discussions such as what the ____, and how the _____, and why the ____, or huh I did not know ____.



ojsdad

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 2698
Reply #56 on: July 16, 2021, 09:10:39 PM
My experience so far in Stellaris, and seemingly every other game, is for the first 5 minutes or so I am the single greatest player to have ever lived. Reality tends to set in around the 5 minute and 1 second mark when the self dialog goes into deeper discussions such as what the ____, and how the _____, and why the ____, or huh I did not know ____.

Sounds like marriage. 

Here at ACD, we all pee the same color.


bbmike

  • Warrant Officer
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 7444
    • My Own Worst Enemy
Reply #57 on: July 16, 2021, 10:04:52 PM
 ;D

"My life is spent in one long effort to escape from the commonplace of existence."
-Sherlock Holmes

My Own Worst Enemy


Bison

  • Corporal
  • **
  • Posts: 1263
Reply #58 on: July 16, 2021, 10:12:47 PM
Oh my!



Martok

  • Patreon Supporters
  • Lance Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 6771
  • Tilting at windmills
Reply #59 on: July 17, 2021, 04:00:17 AM
My experience so far in Stellaris, and seemingly every other game, is for the first 5 minutes or so I am the single greatest player to have ever lived. Reality tends to set in around the 5 minute and 1 second mark when the self dialog goes into deeper discussions such as what the ____, and how the _____, and why the ____, or huh I did not know ____.

Heh, I definitely know the feeling.  The only difference is that for me, that delusion of greatness generally lasts a good 20 minutes (instead of 5).  :P 




Sounds like marriage. 

 :2funny:



"I like big maps and I cannot lie." - Barthheart

"I drastically overpaid for this existence." - bbmike